Have you ever felt this way like all of your strength is being suck by an unknown existence. Like I don't have the will to move, smile or live. I want to vanish at this moment. Nope I just want the pain inside my heart to vanish so I could live freely. If there's a medicine who can make me forget the painful memories, I'll drink it right now without hesitation. Because I can't bear it anymore, I want to cry but when I think of it when was the last time that I cry? Yeah it was  long time ago. When I decided to become someone else I decided to throw that part of me as well as my weak self but I didn't know that it will only make me more miserable. It will only make me suffer more, my inability to cry when I'm in pain makes me more miserable than I was in the past. I want to retrieve the word "Give Up" that I deleted from my memory. I want to retrieve it right now and used it. I want to give up everything that's making my body heavy, the pain, the hope, the dreams and the desire. Right now I want to remove them out of my head, my heart I want to become empty for a moment so I can at least relax in just a short amount of time. I want to lay on my bed, close my eyes and delete all the memories of my hurtful past, so when the next time I open my eyes I can say that I'm really alright. Because I can't keep on lying to everyone, especially to myself. I can't continue saying that I'm fine when the truth is I'm not fine but scared, and tired.

I want to rest from pain already... :'(

I'm in Japan now..but i'm a bit sad..

Homesick Attacked me~

          Few days before today, I was really emotional. I'm scared, and lonely and will surely miss my days in the Philippines. Spending a day with my family and friends, but this is my dream I should be happy now. I must be.. I will surely miss it but I'll do my best to cope with it because this is what I've been wanting..^^

Didn't I?

Strange isn't the feeling of parting for the first time with that long.. but somehow i felt excitement..



Tomorrow? I've been looking forward to you..with a smile on my face ^^

HANAYUME

its a New Happy New Year ! ^_^ Chinen Yuri's cross necklace

This New year I've bought this necklace for myself. I've been wanting to buy this for so long. And now that I have it. I'm really happy! ^^

Pictures taken in front of my PC

The necklace I've bought: cross necklace like what Chinen always wore in their photoshoots

My Wallpaper ^_^ yup thats HEY!Say!JUMP

cost: Around 15$ together w/ the pendant, pendant was 6$

2011's First night
The moon was so bright~

Hana

Kyou wa Merry Christmas desu yo~!

Kyou wa Xmas desu yo~?

        Today it's Christmas, right? Did everyone had fun? Because Hana had so much fun today. I went to my Aunt's house with my other relatives we ate there and had a chitchats though we don't have much to do. We stayed there for the whole day, but I'm a little bit sleepy because I slept late last night, fixing my best friend *PC*. *but still its broken T^T*. Don't have much to share the whole day event but one thing. Today was really great!  


Thanks for the gifts~*600php* &  I ate lots of chocolate. *laughs*

I can say that i had a.. 

Merry Christmas~ 

Happy Birthday Papa Jesus! ^_^

GOD BLESS everyone..Heart you~ *chuu*

I'll be your Santa for today~<3

HANAYUME

My reflections: Someone left me behind forever

My life... up until now without you is scary...

         I remember looking at my reflection in a glass window. I've changed a lot but the tears on my face never. I walked toward a white stairs and went up to a place I can be alone with my heart full of sadness and pain.~
        I'm going crazy, I cried a lot but still, the pain inside my heart won't vanish or ease. I want her back but the boundaries we have right now is life and death.

Is there any chance I could bring her back, here with us?

"Its hard to accept someone's farewell, if you know you'll never meet again, forever;

Someday though and maybe in heaven"

I love you, my Dear Auntie

Sharing my my cousin's self made poet for our Dear Aunt who've left us forever..

The smirk and keenness you’ve shared with us
And delightful memories we allocate together with you
Will never be disregarded nor forsaken
But rather be nourish and admire with all our heart
Your clinch towards us will never be deserted
In fact it will be cherished and revitalized for ever more
Our ardor for you will remain in our core for eternity.


It impairs us so much that u left us all missing you
But we feel relieved that you suffer no more
For you are there dwelling in perfect opulence with God
Every time we remember our loving recollection with you
We feel the grief but make us stronger and even
Because you’ve fought a great battle with cancer for us
We all love you Auntie Thelma we will all going to miss you.

-Joshua