Have you ever felt this way like all of your strength is being suck by an unknown existence. Like I don't have the will to move, smile or live. I want to vanish at this moment. Nope I just want the pain inside my heart to vanish so I could live freely. If there's a medicine who can make me forget the painful memories, I'll drink it right now without hesitation. Because I can't bear it anymore, I want to cry but when I think of it when was the last time that I cry? Yeah it was long time ago. When I decided to become someone else I decided to throw that part of me as well as my weak self but I didn't know that it will only make me more miserable. It will only make me suffer more, my inability to cry when I'm in pain makes me more miserable than I was in the past. I want to retrieve the word "Give Up" that I deleted from my memory. I want to retrieve it right now and used it. I want to give up everything that's making my body heavy, the pain, the hope, the dreams and the desire. Right now I want to remove them out of my head, my heart I want to become empty for a moment so I can at least relax in just a short amount of time. I want to lay on my bed, close my eyes and delete all the memories of my hurtful past, so when the next time I open my eyes I can say that I'm really alright. Because I can't keep on lying to everyone, especially to myself. I can't continue saying that I'm fine when the truth is I'm not fine but scared, and tired.
I want to rest from pain already... :'(
